Providing specialist talking therapy in Tunbridge Wells, Kent.

Why meet with a psychologist?

We can often feel as if things have got too much, that we are struggling to understand why we feel so worried or unhappy, or feel disconnected to those around us. Often, what helps is talking about our difficult feelings with someone who will listen without judging us, and help us to feel confident enough to explore our problems, hopes and fears.

Clinical psychologists specialise in being able to help you think through your difficult feelings, understand what has driven them in the past and the present, and to make changes in the way you think and act so that life feels enjoyable again.

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Common difficulties that bring people to therapy

Anxiety can affect us in different ways – we can panic which can feel very frightening, we can spend too much time worrying about things, or we can find ourselves avoiding things to help us keep calm. A psychologist can help you to understand what is driving this anxiety, and to think in therapy about what can change.

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Losing someone close to us, or important to us, can be one of the most difficult things to find a way through.  How we respond to the loss of someone – or something – important in our lives can depend on many things such as how much loss we have had to bear already, or how we cope in tough times.

A psychologist can help you to think in therapy about what the loss has meant to you, understand your feelings about it and help you to imagine a time when you feel ready to move forwards.

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Most of us know how it feels to have bad days, when we don’t look fondly at everything we see or feel.  For some of us, those days can feel like they will never end and we can feel in a fog of confusion, sadness, anger or feel nothing at all. It can be a struggle to get out of bed, to talk to those around us, and to carry on with our normal day to day tasks.  If you are struggling with depression, a psychologist can help look at what may be driving these painful feelings, safely in therapy.

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When life does not feel like its fulfilling, purposeful or meaningful we can feel like we are on autopilot, disconnected from others, and at times despairing. Meeting with a psychologist can allow a space to explore what may be behind such feelings, and connect with our sense of ourselves and what is important to us – and therapy can help us to learn to live our lives differently so that they feel rich, connected and vital.

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Life brings changes, transitions, new starts and endings much of the time but this doesn’t mean they are easy to deal with or that we have found helpful ways of coping with them. In therapy with a psychologist, you can explore all the aspects of important changes so that you can understand what it means to you and how it is affecting you, as well as ways to work through the changes and flourish in your new situation.

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In low mood isn’t where most people would choose to spend their time, as everything is greyer and less satisfying. If you find yourself feeling low quite often, or repetatively every few weeks, there may be a pattern to understand and a common cause in the way you think, act or relate to others. Discovering this in therapy with a psychologist can be powerful in terms of helping us feel more content in our lives.

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Many of us lack confidence in certain areas of our lives which can be problematic. For some of us though, we can feel inadequate or undeserving much of the time and this affects how we are at work, in our relationships and how we view our future. Gaining an understanding of how this view of ourselves has developed, and how unwittingly we may be inviting others to treat us in ways that strengthen this view is a valuable focus of therapy with a psychologist.

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For some of us, our emotions feel all over the place – we can feel happy and excited one minute and then angry or sad the next. What causes these swings from one extreme to another can feel a mystery. Meeting with a psychologist for talking therapy can help us to understand any patterns in our moods, and to give our emotional life the space it deserves so that we can gain some understanding of ourselves and what goes on inside us.

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It is very common to have unwanted intrusive thoughts and many of us can brush them aside as unhelpful “noise” in our minds. For some of us though, these thoughts bring about such terrific anxiety that we cannot ignore them and find ourselves compelled to do something to get rid of the problematic thought. We can then get caught in a vicious cycle of trying to control our minds which actually leaves us feeling completely at sea.  A psychologist will help you understand some of the ways in which our minds can get caught in these traps, and therapy can help set you free from these painful loops.

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Panic attacks can hit us out of the blue and can be so frightening that we can fear for our lives. They can also be triggered by specific situations such as leaving our homes, intimacy, and social gatherings. A psychologist can help you to understand what drives your panic, what keeps it going, how to reduce it, and whether its a symptom of a deeper problem which could benefit from being explored further in therapy.

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Being incredibly fearful of a specific thing can have enormous implications for our lives. We can develop phobias about most things, though there are common fears such as spiders, snakes and needles. Therapy for phobias with a psychologist can be brief and still be very effective.

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Occasionally in our lives, as children or adults we can experience an event or a series of events so terrifying that its as if they have left a scar on our minds. Remembering the event can be incredibly painful, and yet fragments of memory can come to us at any time, unbidden. We can find ourselves feeling fearful much of the time, almost as if the past event is happening right at this moment. A psychologist can help you to find a way to live with traumatic experiences so that they feel as if they are in the past where they belong rather than dominating our lives today. Starting therapy to focus on a memory we wish we didn’t have can be difficult, but it can be amazing what a difference it can make to how we can cope with what has happened to us.

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Relationships can be our greatest gift but also a source of considerable pain. All relationships go through testing times, but some more than others. We can also find ourselves feeling as if we just can’t make relationships work, and that despite wanting to have fulfilling connections with others they elude us for reasons we struggle to understand. A psychologist will help you to understand some of your stumbling blocks or patterns that you may be repeating to the same ends. Therapy can also help you to think about your role in relationships and whether this brings you satisfaction.

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Traumatic and painful events can affect our lives in many different ways. These kinds of experiences in childhood can have a profound impact on how we grow as a person, for better or worse. As adults, traumatic experiences can stop us in our tracks and lead us to question what we took for granted about the world, or the people in it. A psychologist can allow you the space to explore these painful experiences in a safe place and in a safe way so that through therapy you can have the opportunity to learn something new and less painful from your memories.

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Does worrying help me? Does it keep me one step ahead? Can I control it? Worrying is the constant asking of questions that can never be answered in a way that brings us relief, but usually only more worry. It can preoccupy us, and at its worst leave little time for anything else. Working with a psychologist in therapy can help you to understand what is driving this kind of thinking, and what it may be keeping at bay.

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Many of us spend a great deal of our time at work, so what happens there and how we perform and fit in with our colleagues is often a large part of our lives.  When it is going well we can feel a great sense of achievement and satisfaction. But when it isn’t going well it can lead to overwhelming feelings of stress. If these feelings of stress build up they can lead to us taking time off sick, making mistakes at work that put our job at risk, in conflict with our colleagues or managers, or even being sacked or resigning. Taking the time to think in therapy about our work stress with a psychologist may provide the opportunity to find a different way forwards that can bring relief.

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With the right therapist, psychotherapy can be life-changing

Contact Me

I have a therapy consulting room in the centre of Tunbridge Wells, and currently have availability on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If you would like an appointment, please get in touch by phone or by email to give me an idea of what is troubling you and what you are looking for. If from this it seems like it would be a good idea for us to meet, I can offer you my next available appointment.

My consulting room is just a couple of minutes walk from Tunbridge Wells railway station.

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